


I'm With You

by enrasin



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1414726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enrasin/pseuds/enrasin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don’t try to find anything more than this for I’ll be by your side</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The first time I came across a 9095 analysis, it gave me goosebumps because the lyrics itself really fit their situation at that time. Though only the melody is written by Jaejoong, I'd like to think he had some part in the lyrics because if not... it is really one hell of a coincidence. Heavily inspired by this analysis: http://tine-cheese.livejournal.com/42134.html I spent the better part of today on it and as a result totally neglected TAT. But don't worry, the amount of free time I have next week is insane, so hopefully something'll happen soon? ^^

 

_従順そうな執事で　「こちらへ」と導かれ_  
 _回廊の火を点けて　「赤を右に」と言った_  
 _you guide me like an obedient butler, "this way"_  
 _you light the flame in the corridor, "red to the right," you said_

Yunho had always been the group’s beacon. Their light in the darkness, the hope where there was none to be found.

He was also the one the members would turn to when they had issues.

“Yunho hyung, how do you solve this question?”  
“Yunho, let’s go through the steps again to make sure we got it.”  
“Yunho-ya, why are we getting so little money?”

Don’t worry, he had said. He’d look into it, he promised. We belong together, all of us. No matter what happens, we’ll be okay, won’t we?

“Yunho-ya…”  
“Yes?”  
“Yoochun’s thinking of doing something drastic…”  
“Mmmm, like what? Destroying our living room? He already did that last time, remember?”  
“No… he said, he wants to leave SM.”

With that, Yunho did not even spare Jaejoong a look as he swept out of the room to confront Yoochun. Sitting paralyzed on the bed, he could hear shouts coming from the living room.

“… but you cannot deny that we are being treated unfairly!”  
“Yes, I cannot. But leaving would make things so much worse for us right now? Do you think they’d let us leave peacefully? Or their influence would allow us to promote freely? Think, Yoochun, think!”

That was the first of many quarrels the group would have on that issue.

_壊れた回転扉　床には極楽鳥花_  
 _繻儒子の壁を這うタランチュラ_  
 _a broken revolving door, bird of paradise flower on the floor_  
 _a tarantula creeps across the silk wall_

The underlying tension in the room was blaringly obvious, the invisible elephant that no one wanted to bring up occupied a large space in their thoughts.

“Hey, let’s play a game!” Changmin tried to lighten up the mood. “I just got Assassin’s Creed from the shop yesterday, who wants to battle with me? Come on, Yoochun hyung, don’t you wanna take your revenge after losing so badly last time. Where’s your pride, man!”

Yoochun could not help but crack a smile at the maknae’s words.

“Sure, but just to warn you, I’ve been honing my skills since then, you better be prepared to get your ass kicked!” Yoochun ended triumphantly, getting up from the sofa to start up the console.

Jaejoong gave a small smile as he looked at the clock.

“Fine guys, I’ll go prepare dinner now. What do you want to eat?” He asked, walking towards the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

Screams and shouts could be heard from the living room as Changmin recited a long list of foods while Junsu thwacked him over the head for his greediness.

“Kimchijiggae!” Yoochun took an opportunity to shout when the noise subsided momentarily.

“You idiot, I just had that yesterday!” Junsu screeched in response. “I want sangyupsal, Jaejoong hyung!”

Jaejoong merely shook his head and set out to prepare the food, ignoring the incessant noise the members were making.

A few hours later, he peeked out of his kitchen to find Changmin and Yoochun still playing with the console, while Junsu and Yunho were squealing over some fanfiction they’d apparently been reading.

The quarrel from a few hours earlier appeared to have been forgotten by everyone.

What he did not know was, this would only be the start.

_踵返し笑った_  
 _you turn and laugh, where're you going baby?_

“We’re going out for a moment!” Jaejoong shouted as he opened the door that lead to their hallway.

“Where’re you going baby?” Yunho, who was lounging on the couch, asked lazily without even opening his eyes.

“Just taking a walk. Be back soon babe.” Jaejoong’s heart clenched as his mouth uttered the lie smoothly without betraying him.

_楡の揺れ椅子で待って　七つを数えるまで目を開けないで_  
 _wait on the elm rocking chair, don't open your eyes till the count of seven_

For something that had brought them so much agony, the process was surprisingly simple. Just a signing of a form to file the injunction, and a small talk with the lawyer who wanted to make sure that they knew what they were getting into.

“It’s going to get really hectic in a few days when the press finds out. Until then, try to keep your mouths shut and act as if nothing’s happened.” The lawyer advised them, while the three nodded sombrely and avoided meeting each other’s gazes.

Once back in the house, Jaejoong pulled Yunho aside, into the room he shared with Yoochun.

_(pret une) 首筋に夜の雫が…　声にできないほど_  
 _(deux) ネジ式積み木の城で…　指の隙間へと_  
 _(trois) 絡み合った蜘蛛の糸は…　このままずっと_  
 _(one) a drop on the back of your neck is... you can't say it_  
 _(two) from the mechanical treets to between your fingers_  
 _(three) the spider web which entangles and entangles like this, continuously_

With a hunger that he didn’t know he possessed, he pulled Yunho towards him and thrust his tongue in the younger’s unsuspecting mouth. The younger, however, was only too happy to comply, moaning and tugging the older such that their bodies moulded together.

A perfect fit, some would say.

“Who are you, Jaejoong-ah? Who are you to erase your traces of guilt by using Yunho like this?” Jaejoong shook the thought away and continued to pay homage to Yunho’s body and let out a satisfactory groan as he reached the younger’s bulge. He experimentally palmed it and was pleased when Yunho let out a moan.

He gasped as the younger pulled him up and continued to kiss him gently while removing his underpants.

It didn’t matter what he’d done. Yunho would always forgive him, right?

_上がり出した砂時計 9095_  
 _the sand clock which started rising, going towards 9095_

He remembered.

He was a rookie trainee compared to Yunho, an inexperienced young boy who did not know the meaning of ‘grueling trainings’. The first day they’d met, his words tumbled all over themselves, forming an incoherent speech. Yunho had laughed and patted his back, telling him that it was alright. He had extended a hand in friendship, one that Jaejoong gratefully took with eager hands.

The first time Yunho had pulled him into a deserted training room and looked at him with confused doe eyes. He had whispered a soft sorry before kissing the older. Then he ran away, leaving Jaejoong bewildered, his heart thumping hard against his chest.

When they started to be placed in the same project groups, their stolen moments in the dormitory. Once, Heechul had stumbled across Jaejoong snuggled against Yunho in the bed. He, who accepted them with an open heart, had told them to be more careful in the future. He had said this while Jaejoong hid behind Yunho, too embarrassed to face Heechul.

When they had debuted, when they thought this was their ‘happily ever after.’

_長い回廊に響く　「どこかであったでしょうか？」_  
 _echoing down the long hallway, "have we met before?"_

He woke up to a cold bed, with sunlight streaming in through the windows. He sat up and winced as a piercing pain shot through him. He struggled to walk to the bathroom and splashed water on his face to sober himself up.

“Look at me now,” he thought ruefully. “Who would recognize me now?”

_「青は赤の左に」_  
 _錆び付いた天使の羽根　獏が捨てた昨日の夢_  
 _先は手の鳴る方へ　目隠しをして_  
 _"blue is to the left of the red"_  
 _angel feathers rusted together, i'm blindfolded with yesterday's dreams, its hands rustling like before._

“There’s another way, you know?” Jaejoong told Yoochun. “We don’t have to do this alone.”

“What else can you think of, then?” Yoochun said bitterly. “I’d gladly welcome any suggestions with open arms.”

“I…” Jaejoong faltered in response to Yoochun’s heavy words. “Do you remember what we said when we first debuted?”

“Why are you asking me this, it doesn’t change things, does it?” Yoochun said composedly, trying to stop tears from flowing down his cheeks.

“We said we’d get through everything together. Together, Yoochun ah. That was our dream, wasn’t it? As long as we were together, everything would be okay.” The last sentence came out in a whisper, as Jaejoong trailed off.

“Wake up, Jaejoong hyung! This is our reality now, we’ve chosen it, there’s no turning back!” Yoochun finally let go of his emotions and all but screamed out the last sentence. “We chose to file that injunction and now there’s nothing we can do but continue on with this… whatever thing that we’ve started. We’ve started a snowball that will build up, like an avalanche. Do you understand that?”

What they did not notice was Changmin standing in the half-open doorway, mouth open as he realised what he’d heard.

_それは誰も映らない_  
 _鏡の中にその手を入れるとき_  
 _who are you? tell me baby_  
 _no one was reflected in the mirror when you put your hand on it_

“I can’t believe you would do this.” Yunho paced around the room, gaze landing on anywhere except for Jaejoong. “Who are you? Where’s the Jaejoong that I loved? That Jaejoong would never have done anything like this. He loved the group, he did. He would have done anything in his power to keep it from crumbling. Who are you?”

He left without a word. They all did. Just like that.

Unfinished, but tossed aside without a care.

_(et quatre) 背中まで麝香の香り…　熱い呼吸の音_  
 _(cinq) 空白に浮かぶ瞳…　許されないのなら_  
 _(six) その涙が生き返ったら…　どうしてもっと 目覚めてゆく化石たち 9095_  
 _(four) that musky fragrance on your back, your hot breath_  
 _(five) if you allow your pupil to be suspended in the black space of your eyes_  
 _(six) to revive your tears, the remains which slowly come to live in 9095_

The memories, they still remained.

Changmin moved out of the dorm. He could not be in it without remembering the dinners they shared, the laughter they once had.

Yunho isolated himself from the world, locking himself in practice rooms and dancing till his body could not take it anymore.

Yoochun poured out dozens of songs that would never see the daylight. They were of longing, heart break, memories.

Junsu put on a happy face and held his head up. When he was alone though, he would put on his headphone and blast their songs. No one knew it but he had every song by Yunho and Changmin memorized.

Jaejoong hid in his room, obsessively refreshing their fansites. When talk of the lawsuit had died down, he began stalking Yunho and Changmin fansites to find out what they had been doing.

_もう何も探さないで　そばにいるから_  
 _目を開けてしまったのなら　戻れなくても_  
 _それでもいいのなら　そっと_  
 _don’t try to find anything more than this for I’ll be by your side_  
 _if you open your eyes completely, you can't turn back_  
 _if that's alright, then gently, open your eyes_

No, the story is not over yet.  
The story does not end like this.

The end goes something like this:  
One day, Jaejoong heads to Heechul’s house due to the latter’s incessant pleading for company because he was ‘oh so lonely’. Jaejoong lets himself into the house unceremoniously and sees Yunho sitting on the couch. Yunho turns his head and smiles, a beatific smile that somehow erases all the past years they spent apart. He runs towards Yunho, as if in a fairytale. But of course, this is no fairytale, and therefore Jaejoong trips over the carpet and falls flat on his face. Yunho ends up having to help him up, and they spend the afternoon talking.

When they try to get their respective groups together, predictably, the first hour is spent in stony silence. The next is spent with them hurling insults at each other; it starts when Changmin makes a snarky remark about Yoochun’s acting and somehow ends with Yoochun and Changmin ganging up against Junsu.

And this is where their story ends, with Jaejoong waking up the day after Christmas to find a peacefully snoring Yunho next to him, and shrill noises coming from outside the bedroom. Smiling to himself, Jaejoong snuggles closer to Yunho and closes his eyes again, ignoring the dolphin-like wail outside which sounded something like, “This is so unfair whyyyyy are you two always ganging up on me? What did I do in my past life?’


End file.
